27.9.08
"we couldnt change it even we try ."
it's wrong .
we can change, even if it it's just a tiny change .
it counts . and it might affect the outcome .
ola . it's night time now . today , i meant last night , i couldnt really sleep well . and yeah , i was exhausted this morning . but then , strangely , i managed to crawl out of bed , make my way to the balcony ,excluding some stubles here and there , and pressed the on button .dump the clothes in , add in the detergent .pull down the cover , adjust some settings . one more click . hoorays , the clothes are spinning in the machine . weirdd huh . okays , that because i dont wna suffer the wrath of iris . yeah , once you went thru it , you will be shuddering in fear . she is terrifying , that fact doesnt change as she grows . another thing i noticed today .i'm good at exaggerating things . 'insert a wide grin here'so , of course , you need to tell me if you want to hear the exaggerated version ,or the true , original version . 'smiles' otherwise i'll always give you the exaggerated one . because i can hone my skills . and of course , try to gauge people reactions and make them believable . and i'm starting to love myself more . idk why , but i'm telling myself , i dont sux , i'm good . i'm not dumb , i'm a owner of an average brain which might get moreintelligent in the near future . the point is , i'm improving my self confidence . but of course, i wont let it go over board . and yeah , i know what you are thinking of right now . 'are you sure you wont go overboard ? you already sound likeyou are clouded in your fantasies of yourself 'i assured you , i know what i'm doing . hee . idk why some peeps keep looking down on themselves . oh , 'i'm ugly' ; 'i'm dumb' ; etc . yeah , those two are the most common i hear . and another , 'she's better than me . dont compare me with her .'why ?learn to look at your good points . if i didnt , i would be wallowing in self pity . look at yourself . you are not deform in any manner . you didnt catch any terminal diseases . think about those who had them . they are the ones who are really suffering . so think about that today . are you really in a bad situation ?what caused it ?can you change it ?what can you do to change it ?someone asked me when i was young . or it's either i read it somewhere . it changed my life . it was etched into my brain . as i grew older , i begun to understand the meaning of those words . read between the lines . i applied them , and here , i changed myself . i was an anti social kid that just kept to herself . i only made a friend because i thot , i might need one for project work . but as she gets more friend , i drifted away from her .i was friendless . it was only when i am in p3 that i realised what i dire situation i was in . i decided , i needed friends . by p4 , i gotten myself a wee bit more friends . but i was still shy . and then , time flies , it was p6 . i made friends , yes , but i wasnt close to them . i kept jumping from group to group because we didnt click well . until i found them , they were somehow my friends that i was able to communicate to .they increased my self confidence , and i had influence on them , we were great buddies . but that shattered when we graduated . now , i couldnt really rmb the other friends i had except them . yeah . and another thing is that i only speak to girls . yup , i'm still bit uncomfortable with guys . and of course , i'll speak to them when it is really necessary . and when , that 'cold' voice as i defined comes in . but when i speak to girls , my voice goes back to my normal one . or the one that i considered normal . strange , i know . but thats me . and i accepted my weirdness . i even embraced it with love . hehs . so well , i dont speak to guys . even if they sit next to me . but of course , there will be exceptions if they attempted to speak to me . but who knows , i'm a hard shell to crack . you wont know what i am thinking , what i am planning . because i'm gna reveal to you , my brain never stops working . even when i'm sleeping , they functions well and yeah , my brain doesnt take a break . but then , who will be the one that can really sees me ?of course , the first girl will be rena . (:but who will be the second ? and the first guy ?the latter is rather impossible for the next few years . (:btu i wont rule out the possiblity . it's 0.(insert plenty of 0 here)1 % .hee . that concludes my post for today !seems that i'm revealing my character more ..hmm..'youve left me deeply intoxicated' will only go when i get over that crush .feel free to give me a helping hand . be it a guy or girl .youve left me deeply intoxicated ; regii .
